Layered Yearing

Most of my paintings begin when an image keeps returning to my thoughts until I eventually find myself standing at the easel. Layered Yearning was different. It did not start with inspiration, but with a deep desire simply to feel again — to feel the sun on my face, the wind in my hair, and the simple sensory joys of being fully present.

It was November in the Netherlands, a time when grey skies and stormy weather are part of everyday life. Yet the heaviness I felt during that season seemed to mirror the weather outside. My family and community were going through a particularly difficult time, with challenges to health and relationships coming from many directions. The uncertainty and worry made it easy to drift into “what if” thinking — imagining every possible outcome instead of staying grounded in the present moment.

Painting became my way of processing that season. The first layers on the canvas were dark blues and browns, reflecting the heaviness I was experiencing at the time. As the weeks passed and small signs of hope returned, I began adding warmer tones — yellows and oranges — suggesting the slow return of energy and light. Later I introduced soft pinks, reflecting a renewed sense of gentleness and emotional openness.

Finally, when I began to feel a fuller range of emotions again, I added touches of gold. For me, those marks celebrate the return of vitality — the quiet realization that even after difficult seasons, life can begin to feel bright again.

Technically, this painting may not be the most refined in my collection. In many ways it remains imperfect. Yet that is exactly why it is meaningful to me. Layered Yearning reflects how life itself unfolds — in layers of struggle, reflection, and renewal — and how creativity can help us move through those seasons toward a sense of wholeness again..